Ps: do I love you?

This friend of mine came with a brilliant observation the other day. I hope you let me change your words a bit.

"Think of it. Most people need a Religion to have Faith, even though it's supposed to start the other way around. Don't you think that nowadays it's the same thing about Marriage and Love? "

Folks, isn't that shocking. Have you thought about that? I couldn't help but agreeing with her. Before you crucify me, Let me finish this post.
If you still want to crucify me, I'll just change my name and country.

Actually, those lines above were part of a draft that I saved on December 3rd, last year (I know, I really should complete my drafts before I forget what they were about). I was taking another look at my material I and thought I should reopen this, and I'll add a comment that Balint wrote in one of my first posts (and I'd especially like to add: thanks, Balint, for being the only person that comments in every post). Come on, people, have the decency of posting comments. That being said.


Do you reckon it's possible to find a Japanese to fall in love with?


Now that's something I'd like to write about.

Something I've noticed recently is that most of the people have been complaining a lot about the same thing.

"I don't know how can I possibly love him/her. I never know who he/she is. He/She is always changing."

Things work oppositely for me. The thing is that I am always changing. I need something new everyday, be it a friend, a coffee shop, some trivia or anything beyond. If I don't have the sensation of change, I tend to develop a terrible mood. That being said, let's try to give that question my first answer.

It is possible, but extremely difficult and the people who actually succeed might be few.

Why? Because - and I know this doesn't apply to all people, just many of them - the Japanese people near my age that I know have defined all their beliefs and personality. I'm not talking about future or work resolutions. I'm talking about "This is wrong because I think it is" - a seven-headed monster Japan has yet to overcome. They don't change because they fear the uncertain and, when I was learning Japanese, Ms. K (no names policy) gave an incredible lecture about Uncertainty Avoidance Index, in short, how much a society holds on to their conservative thoughts. Because of that, even if I get interested in somebody, my hopes are gone in a matter of weeks. I don't think there's anything wrong with being happy, cool, relaxed, even sad or dark, but some people are cynical.

On an additional note, some people say Japanese people are deprived of feelings. I don't think that's the case. I just think that they are too used to having the same reactions to the same things, so when we present them something new to their worlds they will:

a) Have no reaction at all;
b) Say "heeeeeeeee";
c) Say "sugoooooooi".

Which is why it is hard for foreigners to settle down with a common Japanese.
In response to that, the other day I was told "You really cannot keep living a life like that".
And the problem is I do end up thinking about that, but the people around me don't try changing anything I suggest them (except for the foreigners and I'm sorry, guys, but it is a Japanese problem) so I thought: I might as well not care.

Adding the initial quote to the formula, it is extremely sad that in Japan a lot of people still marry like in the old days: only because they need social status. That's the concrete example for "You don't have to love in order to marry, but you marry to be able to love". Also, there's marriage due to "not seeing any other option". This means there is a second answer to Balint's question.

It is possible, but if it comes fast, it's dangerous. Because it might mean you already got tired of looking.

That's basically it. I could only fall in love with a Japanese that loves change, but I guess all of them have (just like us) gone to study abroad. Let's wait for them to get back.